How to Bring Up the Prenup

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Prenuptial agreements are appearing more frequently between millennial couples. Among the reasons why prenups are on the rise include millennials are getting married later in life, so they tend to have more assets that inevitably become conjugal property.

Many of them are also the product of divorced parents, so they see the possibility of splitting up and having to divvy up assets. Still, the rising acceptance of prenuptial agreements does not decrease the sensitivity of the subject, whether you’re an above-minimum-wage earner or one of the single millionaires in Minneapolis. Here’s what you can do to ask for a fair, equitable prenup.

1.  Have a Conversation Early On

Prenups are an undeniably uncomfortable conversation and can be awkward for both parties. But if you feel that having a prenup is genuinely important to you, you owe it yourself and your future spouse to talk about it as soon as possible.

Silly as it may sound, it may even be best if you discuss the likelihood of a prenup while you’re still dating. This way, you can already gauge your partner’s reaction to you hinting the possibility of a long-term relationship, and how you intend to move forward.

1.  Realize it’s Going to be a Strange, Heavy Subject

There is no easy way to broach the subject of a prenup. Know that proposing and discussing it will not be easy or pleasant, so approach your partner about it gently but honestly.

You must communicate your feelings about a prenup in an honest and open manner. If your partner respects that, then you are likely on the path to a solid relationship.

1.  Tell them How it Protects Them

As a prenup becomes effective in the event of a divorce or demise of one of the parties, present it as a way of providing security for them if the marriage ends either way. Instead of saying, “I won’t marry you unless you sign a prenup”, frame it more like, “If our union ends in death or divorce, what is important to you, and what would help you move on?”

After listening to them, ask them in turn if they’ll be open to listening to what you want in either scenario. Stress how the other party can and is also protected by the prenup you propose.

1.  Emphasize how it Benefits Both Parties

If you’re afraid of coming across as a greedy penny-pincher that’s only looking to protect their own assets, remember that a properly-worded prenup protects both parties. In some cases, a good prenup can protect your spouse from large debt you may have incurred before the marriage.

1.  Make it Clear that it’s “Just in Case”

The stigma about prenups usually come about as it talks about divorce even before marriage; the more superstitious may even believe that having and signing a prenup is already a bonafide sign that the relationship will inevitably end in divorce.

According to experts, these beliefs are far from the truth. Prenups do not have any predictable impact on a marriage, nor does it increase the likelihood of divorce. Remind your spouse-to-be that a prenup isn’t a question of “when” but a matter of “just in case” you get divorced or if one of you has an untimely demise.

1.  Suggest You Draft it Together

To dispel any suspicion that your prenup is a kind of power play to dominate the other party, suggest that both of you write up the provisions to ensure that it’s fair to you both. That way, you can more easily arrive at common ground and the prenup doesn’t have to favor whoever has more money or assets. To ensure that the prenup is fair, get a neutral mediator involved to help you reach an agreement.

It’s understandable for prenuptial agreements to have a bad rap since it involves uncomfortable subjects about handling money and property after you split up. While it is an unpleasant and uncomfortable conversation to have, you should bring it up early, honestly, and with the participation of your spouse-to-be. As long as you draft a prenup with both your needs taken into account, it may even be the smartest move for your relationship.

Collaborative post.